Talking to Teens: Prom, Graduation, and Alcohol

Introduction

The school year is almost over, with its accompanying stresses — standardized exams, college applications and admissions, and often advanced-level course work. During the spring and early summer of senior year, there is a period of time that begins with the planning for and attendance of prom, and culminating in graduation, during which the workload decreases and the tension lessens. It is a time of celebration — with family, friends, and members of your child’s graduating class. It is also a time when older teenagers may want to relax and socialize, and when many find themselves in situations where alcohol is present and part of the party scene.

To further complicate matters, some teenagers are now either approaching or already are 18, and are staring adulthood squarely in the face. This can translate into an anticipation of the stresses and responsibilities of the coming year, whether it will be at college or in the workforce.

...the older adolescent may be reluctant to reach out to parents for advice, but is still usually receptive to unsolicited parental guidance...

Many teens at this stage are tempted to just let go and party, often in an irresponsible and dangerous manner. As alcohol is often an integral part of a celebration in the adult world, high school seniors on the verge of adulthood may feel freer to consume alcohol, even though it is still illegal until they reach age 21. Older teens can be particularly challenging when parents try to initiate conversations about personal safety. They may feel that they know more than their parents. Yet in spite of their physical maturity, they often have large gaps in their emotional intelligence and judgment.

Ideally, conversations with teens about drinking alcohol and other risky behaviorshave begun early in adolescence. Now is the time to build on this foundation and revisit these conversations. During this celebratory time, the older adolescent may be reluctant to reach out to parents for advice, but is still usually receptive to unsolicited parental guidance if it is delivered discreetly.

1) Do parents’ opinions influence teen drinking?

Those parents who express their views on underage drinking at this time can be powerful positive influences on their teens. The literature supports this: parental expectations that their children not drink alcohol have been associated with less alcohol use, better refusal skills and stronger resistance to peer influence to drink excessively.¹

Four out of ten teens found it easy to get alcohol from a friend’s parents.²

And yet many teenagers who do drink often obtain their alcohol from their parents or friends’ parents, often with the knowledge and approval of the adults involved. In a survey by the American Medical Association in 2005, two-thirds of teens reported that it was easy to get alcohol from their own homes, and one-third said they could drink alcohol at home with their parents’ permission. Four out of ten teens found it easy to get alcohol from a friend’s parents.² If parents are wondering about whether to bring up the subject, the statistics should point them in a clear direction.

The Facts

1) How many high school seniors are drinking alcohol?

By the time prom and graduation roll around, most high school seniors have already experimented with alcohol and a significant proportion of them drink frequently.

A large national survey revealed the following³:

• 75% of 12th graders have used alcohol at least once in their lives (as opposed to 41% of 8th graders).
• 69% of 12th graders have used alcohol within the past year (as opposed to 34% of 8th graders).
• 47% of 12th graders have used alcohol within the past 30 days (as opposed to 17% of 8th graders).
• 28% of 12th graders have binged (had 5 or more drinks in a row) within the prior 2 weeks (as opposed to 11% of 8th graders).

Another survey found that⁴:

• 63% of 12th graders drank beer in the last year.
• 55% of 12th graders drank wine coolers in the last year.
• 62% of 12th graders drank liquor in the last year.

A third study found little overall difference between boys and girls in their rates of drinking⁵.

2) What are the consequences of underage drinking?

Because teenagers who consume alcohol often drink too much and are more likely to become intoxicated, they can find themselves facing unwanted and sometimes serious consequences. The lowering of inhibitions that occurs naturally with alcohol use may cause an adolescent to become loud, and perhaps aggressive or overly emotional. Teens who consume alcohol often say and do things they later regret. Some adolescents who drink too much will vomit; others may pass out. Foolish stunts and vandalism may occur. In addition, underage drinking has been associated with unanticipated (and often regrettable) sexual experiences and sexual assaults where the intoxicated teen is either the victim or the perpetrator. Verbal and physical fights have been associated with underage drinking, with some unfortunately leading to death. Alcohol poisoning, in which the teen drinks so much that his/her respirations are seriously depressed, is a potentially deadly consequence of excessive underage abuse of alcohol.

Teenagers who drink even one beer within an hour of driving may have blood alcohol concentrations above the legal limit for driving.

Traffic accidents are also among the scariest potential consequences of underage drinking, especially among teenage boys. The U.S. legal drinking age is now 21, and many states have zero tolerance laws for underage drinking and driving,⁶ Teenagers who drink even one beer within an hour of driving may have blood alcohol concentrations above the legal limit for driving. In some jurisdictions, licenses of teens who have been caught drinking and driving can be suspended or revoked until age 21.

3) What are the legal issues involved?

Parents are often unaware of their own liability if alcohol is offered to an underage drinker on their premises or while teens are under their supervision. Adults may be subject to civil liability and sued if a minor is either injured or dies on their property as a result of consuming alcohol. If an underage person gets into a fight, gets hurt, hurts others, or is involved in a sexual assault while on their property, especially if alcohol was obtained there, they can also be held responsible. Parents can also be held criminally liable if an alcohol-associated accident or untoward event occurs at their house or at a location for which they have assumed responsibility, even if they are not present.⁷

Even though the legal drinking age is 21, some parents believe that they can serve alcohol to minors if they do so in a supervised manner and do not allow driving afterwards (they may take away all car keys at the door). There have been well-publicized cases of parents hosting prom parties and serving alcohol with the assumption that, if the teens are going to drink alcohol, it may as well be at home where they won’t need to, or be able to, get into a car while intoxicated. This is a dangerous and legally risky approach to the issue. Even in supervised settings, underage drinking is hazardous, and there are often unintended consequences and repercussions. Also, by serving alcohol to a teenager and his/her friends, parents are sending a dangerous message that underage drinking is okay.

4) Prom season and traffic accidents — what are the issues?

When combined with driving, underage consumption of alcohol can have a devastating impact on young lives.

During the months of prom and graduation, a disproportionate number of adolescents are involved, and even killed, in traffic accidents. Data from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (Fatality Analysis Reporting System) shows that alcohol-related fatalities tend to increase between the middle of April and the middle of June each year.⁸ In 2000, 58% of alcohol-related traffic fatalities occurred during the prom and graduation period, compared with 41% for the rest of the year. More than one-third of these fatal car accidents involved young people, ages 15 to 20. In 2001, more than half of youths under the age of 21 who were killed in alcohol-related fatalities died during this time period.⁹

At the same time, teens may feel pressure to drink alcohol during prom and graduation night activities. In a 2005 online survey, 74% of teens reported feeling pressure to drink, more than half reported feeling pressure to drive carelessly, and 44% reported pressure either to drive after consuming alcohol or to ride in a car with someone who had been drinking alcohol during prom and/or graduation night.¹⁰

Adolescents who drink, even under supervised conditions, often do drive or ride with intoxicated drivers...

Parents may also feel pressure to allow their high school senior to consume alcohol or even to serve alcohol to older teens around prom and graduation time. However, these individuals are still underage, and there are potential liability issues as cited earlier for both the child and the parent. Adolescents who drink, even under supervised conditions, often do drive or ride with intoxicated drivers and are involved in motor vehicle accidents, fights and other dangerous behaviors. Also, parents who do allow teens to drink alcohol make it harder for adolescents who want to abstain, and for those parents who feel strongly that their child should not drink alcohol at all.¹¹

Conversations

1) Keeping Your Child Safe around Prom and Graduation Time

First, here are some general guidelines in discussing drinking with your teenage children:

• Know where your child plans to go and with whom. Discuss the possibility that alcohol will be present, and emphasize to your teenager that underage drinking is illegal, that alcohol abuse is dangerous and that underage drinking is unacceptable to you.
• You may want to work with the school or other parents in your community to plan an alcohol-free pre- or after-party. You may choose to invite your child’s friends over for an alcohol-free pre-prom or post-prom celebration and picture taking session.
• Find out where the kids are going before and after the prom, and if the setting will be supervised.
• Determine if another house your child plans to visit will have alcohol available. Know where the alcohol is in your house and how much you have so that you can monitor potential consumption.
• If your child will be part of a group of teens who chip in and rent a limousine, check with the limo company to make sure there is a policy that addresses underage riders and the consumption of alcohol in their cars.

2) Starting Conversations

Newspapers often carry stories of adolescents who were caught drinking alcohol during prom and graduation festivities and the adults who were deemed responsible. These stories can often be used as conversation starters, whereby parents can broach the subject of underage drinking with teens of any age.

In 2005, Michigan high school students who had been drinking alcohol in a limousine prior to their prom were pulled over at the dance, given Breathalyzer tests and then ticketed by the police. They were subsequently suspended by their school, prohibited from partaking in Honor Society rituals or team sports, fined, and made to appear in court. Ultimately, these teens were sentenced to probation and community service.¹²

In 2004, a Rhode Island couple who hosted a graduation party at their home in which alcohol was served (and where kids had to relinquish their car keys and stay overnight) was arrested and charged with providing alcohol to minors.¹³ Also in 2004, two Vermont after-prom parties — one hosted by an adult, and one that took place while the parents were out — resulted in alcohol poisoning, vandalism, and legal consequences for the adults involved, as well as arrests and suspensions from sports teams for the teenagers.¹⁴

...a Rhode Island couple who hosted a graduation party at their home in which alcohol was served...was arrested and charged with providing alcohol to minors.¹³

Some school administrations have threatened or have actually canceled their proms, citing concerns about the extravagant expenses, the increased rates of sexual activity and the underage drinking associated with the prom.¹⁵ Other schools sponsor alcohol-free after-prom party activities. Most high schools with proms try to monitor drinking by checking attendees at the door, not allowing them to leave and then reenter, and severely punishing those students caught with alcohol.

3) The Stages of Adolescence and the Conversations Associated with Them

As mentioned in the first HAA book on underage drinking, just as adolescents go through the tumultuous progression of the physical changes of puberty, they also develop both intellectually and psychologically in a progressive manner. These stages are marked by characteristic changes in body image, intellectual function, dependence/independence issues, peer interaction, and identity development. A teen’s psychological stage of development determines how he or she will respond to parental demands or instructions, and to peer pressure.

It is important to note that a teen’s age or level of physical maturity may not correspond to where he/she is psychologically. However, understanding where a teenager is intellectually and psychologically is crucial to having an effective conversation.

a. The Early Adolescent (ages 11–14)

Early adolescents tend to be preoccupied with themselves and their changing bodies, and are often egocentric in their approach to the world. Although peer acceptance is important to them, at this stage they usually still believe that crazy, risk-taking behaviors are ridiculous and self-destructive. Early adolescents are intellectually immature; they are often still concrete thinkers, and are unable to conceive of the future consequences of present actions.

The prom and graduation may feel very far away from the lives of these young teens. However, newspaper and television stories about underage drinking during prom season provide excellent opportunities for the initiation of underage drinking discussions.

Try some open-ended questions such as:

What do you think of that story? Do you think that a school should cancel its prom? Do you think unsafe things can happen at the prom? How would you feel if all your friends were drinking? Do you think you could enjoy a prom or graduation party if alcohol was not available?

Younger adolescent siblings may also be observing the relationship between their parents and graduating teens on the subject of proms for clues as to what to expect in the future.

b. The Middle Adolescent (ages 15–17)

During the middle-adolescent years, teenagers struggle more with peer relationships and emancipation from their parents. The search for peer acceptance, the struggle for independence from parents, and the testing of limits can consume these years, making middle adolescence a challenge for any parent. Many of the serious problems of adolescence — associated with experimentation with drugs, tobacco, drinking, and sexual activity — occur during these years as teens seek to define their own identities.

Some middle teens may actually be invited to the prom as guests of older teens. Parents will want to have a conversation with their middle teen about how to handle himself/herself, especially if drinking is involved. Middle teens invited to the prom by an older date tend to be starry-eyed and easily influenced by the older teen’s behaviors. Teenagers at this stage may be more easily influenced by peer pressure to drink alcohol with their older friends. A particularly dangerous situation may arise if the teen’s date has been drinking alcohol and then initiates unwanted sexual conduct.

Tell me more about who is taking you to the prom. Where exactly will you be before, after, and during the prom? What will you do if your date decides to drink and you become uncomfortable?

Make sure your child has a way to reach you if he/she is concerned, and wants to come home early. Role-play, in advance, some sample refusal conversations that your child can use if he/she wants to assert himself/herself and not participate in risky behaviors.

c. The Late Adolescent (ages 18–21)

The late adolescent is usually physically and intellectually mature. Many of the riskier behaviors of middle adolescence have decreased, and the teen is usually seen as more serious and goal-oriented. However, teens at this age may still have surprising lapses in good judgment, especially during times of celebration.

Late adolescents may want information from their parents, but usually will not approach them for advice. The conversation now, most likely, will need to be initiated by the parent. In addition, it is okay to make clear your concern about your child’s safety and your expectation that your child not drink. You may be met with eyerolling and snickering — but usually, your child is listening. Try questions such as:

Where exactly are you going — before the prom, during the prom, and afterward? Will there be alcohol at any of these places?

Older teens will often say that they are not sure where they will go after the prom; they will see what their friends are doing. This has the potential to lead to high-risk situations, whether or not there is alcohol available. If this is what your child is doing, you may want to make sure that your child calls before each after-prom stop so that you can assess the safety of the situation and your child’s own status.

Parents should not rent hotel rooms or offer unsupervised locations for pre- and postprom parties where alcohol is likely to be available. Parents who support parties with underage drinking can then be held liable if any adverse event occurs. Parents should discuss with their child how dangerous hotel room parties can be in terms of personal safety and legal trouble.

Will there be food at the prom?

If not, and underage drinking takes place, teens will get drunk more quickly without food in their stomachs. If you do not think there will be food, feed your child prior to the prom, or arrange a dinner for your child and his/her friends.

Does the school have a policy on alcohol? Will they be checking people at the door of the prom and excluding those who appear to have been drinking alcohol? What are the consequences of being caught with alcohol before, during, or after the prom?

Many schools will bar teenagers who smell of alcohol or who seem intoxicated from entering the dance. That’s a lot of money wasted and true disappointment for the excluded teens. Some schools have strict consequences spelled out in advance for teenagers who are caught drinking alcohol at the prom itself, such as exclusion from sports awards, graduation events, etc. Discuss these policies with your child.

Who is driving? Is there a designated driver? If there is a limo, will people be drinking in it?

Find out the transportation plans of your teen and his/her friends. Emphasize the dangers of riding in a car with anyone who has been drinking, regardless of their age, even if they do not appear drunk. Make sure your child knows that seatbelts are imperative for safety and are mandated by law. You may want to discuss, in advance, alternative modes of transportation in case the driver has been drinking — perhaps you can be available to pick up your child or you can arrange for a taxi or car service in case of emergency.

If your child will be part of a group of teens who rent a limousine, you can check with the limo company about their policy of allowing alcoholic beverages in the car. Stress that you are adamant that your child not get into any car with someone who has been drinking.

Some comments about graduation

Graduating high school seniors, in many ways, are entering adulthood. They are usually 18 years of age, able to vote, eligible to serve in the military, and no longer in school. College, traveling, or working may be planned for the future, but at this time, adolescents often feel powerful and free. And many feel, at graduation, that they have the right to make their own decisions regarding alcohol.

Complicating matters, this generation of adolescents may have parents who were adolescents when the legal drinking age was 18. Parents may condone underage drinking for high school graduates, especially to celebrate the occasion. This may make it harder to deny their teenagers alcohol at graduation parties where alcohol is available to those 21 and over. How can a parent address these issues, yet remain in compliance with the law, and keep their graduate safe? Some questions could include:

How will you be celebrating your graduation? Will alcohol be available to you?

Explore safe ways to celebrate, without alcohol. Although your child has now become an adult in many ways, he/she is still not legally allowed to drink. Again, it may be smart to discuss why it is dangerous for teenagers to consume alcohol — poor judgment, accidents, drinking to get drunk, and the hard brunt of the law. In an attempt to combat underage drinking, some schools have organized post-graduation activities where alcohol is prohibited.

On prom night and graduation night, wait up for your child to come home (kiss them and smell their breath). Make sure they are safe.

The day after prom conversation

The next day (or sometime later, depending on your child’s willingness to discuss the event), ask your child about his/her experiences at the prom or graduation party. Was it what they expected? Was it fun? Did everyone stay safe? Did anything happen that was problematic for your child or his/her friends? Did anyone get into trouble?

4) Final thoughts...

Remember, although your child is an adult in certain ways, he/she is an adolescent in many, many other ways, and is still maturing — and can still use your guidance. Also, although it can be exhilarating to interact with your child on a semi-adult level, do not forget that you are not your child’s peer, you are still the parent, and it is still appropriate to outline your expectations and to be there to ensure your child’s safety.

About

Health Alliance on Alcohol

A national education initiative on underage consumption of alcohol through parent/child communications.

NewYork-Presbyterian Healthcare System

The NewYork-Presbyterian Healthcare System, the largest secular not-for-profit non-governmental health care system in the U.S., is committed to providing high-quality, cost-effective and accessible care to communities throughout the greater New York Metropolitan region. The System, made up of 38 acute care hospitals, 100 ambulatory sites, 16 residential health care facilities, three specialty institutions, and more than 15,000 affiliated physicians, serves one in four patients in the Greater New York Metropolitan Area. The System is also the largest not-for-profit employer in New York City. System members are affiliates of the Joan and Sanford I. Weill Medical College of Cornell University or Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons. During 2003, System institutions discharged more than 560,000 inpatient cases and saw more than 5,700,000 cases on an outpatient basis. For additional information, visit www.nyp.org.

White Plains Hospital Center

White Plains Hospital Center is a voluntary, not-for-profit health care organization with the primary mission of offering high-quality, acute health care and preventative medical care in a compassionate manner to all people who live in, work in or visit Westchester County and its surrounding areas. The Hospital has the busiest Emergency Department in Westchester County, treating approximately 24,000 patients in 2004. Its “Centers of Excellence” include cardiology, emergency medicine, endoscopy, minimally invasive surgery, oncology, orthopedics, neonatal and maternity, and radiology. The Hospital has won the National Research Corporation “Consumer Choice Award” for Westchester County four times, most recently in 2004. WPHC is an affiliate of the NewYork-Presbyterian Healthcare System and a member of Stellaris Health Network, Inc. and Voluntary Hospitals of America, Inc. For additional information, visit www.wphospital.org.

Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital of NewYork-Presbyterian

Ranked by U.S. News & World Reports as one of the top five children’s hospitals in the country, Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital of NewYork-Presbyterian offers the best available care in every area of pediatrics — including the most complex neonatal and critical care, and all areas of pediatric subspecialties — in a family-friendly and technologically advanced setting. Building a reputation for more than a century as one of the nation’s premier children’s hospitals, Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital of NewYork-Presbyterian is affiliated with Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons, and is New York City’s only hospital dedicated solely to the care of children and the largest provider of children’s health services in the tri-state area with a long-standing commitment to its community. Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital of NewYork-Presbyterian is also a major international referral center, meeting the special needs of children from infancy through adolescence worldwide.

Heineken USA

Heineken USA Inc., the nation’s largest beer importer, is a subsidiary of Heineken International (Netherlands), which is the world’s most international brewer. The Company and its affiliates are firmly committed to promoting responsible consumption of beverage alcohol. Among other distinctions, Heineken was the first brewer in the world to place a responsible consumption message on all of its bottles and cans. Heineken USA was also the first alcohol company to place a responsibility message on all of its television, radio and print advertising. Please visit www.EnjoyHeinekenResponsibly.com.

• http://healallianceonalcohol.com

Alcohol Articles

• Fake ID Cards
• Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood
• Talk About Alcohol & Drinking with Your College-bound Student
• Teenagers, Beer, and Beer Cans
• Tell Children the Truth about Drinking
• Teach Safe Drinking to Your College-Bound Teen
• Dangerous Alcohol Drinking Abuse on 21st Birthday
• Effective Alcohol Education: What Works with Underage Youths
• Teen Sex Parties and Drinking Alcohol “Same Issue”?
• Giving, Providing or Supplying Alcoholic Beverages to a Minor
• Teach Your Children Alcohol Moderation
• Myths and Facts of Alcohol
• Make a Difference: Talk to Your Child About Alcohol.
• Alcohol
• Teens using hotel rooms to booze up
• Parents don't mak underage drinking safer by providing 'haven'
• Most Teens Get Alcohol from Parents, Friends
• Teen Facts- Teens and Alcohol
• The Effect of Alcohol on Teens
• Teens and Alcohol
• Alcohol: Myths & Truths
• Talking to Teens: Prom, Graduation, and Alcohol
• Substance Abuse Prevention
• Alcohol 101 teaches teens consequences
• Parents take Risk in Holding Student Drinking Parties at Home
• Setting an example
• Statistics on Teenage Drinking
• Parents warned about gelatin containing alcohol
• MADD Warns Impaired Motorists About Dangers Of Drunk Driving
• Alcohol and Teen Drinking

Related Categories

• Drinking and Driving