Bullying Articles - Part One
Melinda Tognini
In year 8, I moved to the country, where my parents were both teachers at the only school in the town. That first day, a girl came up to me, introduced herself and invited me to hang out with her friends. That was great – until they discovered who my parents were. After that, they’d tell me to meet them in one place, and then not turn up. Later, I’d find out they’d changed the meeting place, so that they didn’t have to hang around with me. The girl who’d originally befriended me was still nice to me, but was torn between being my friend and keeping her other ones. Then a couple of the guys in the year started calling me names. When I asked them why, they had no reason other than “because.†There wasn’t much in the way of physical bullying, although one of the guys did jam my finger in the door once – and boy did that hurt. But the names, and the exclusion hurt at least as much as that physical pain. There’s a saying that sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will never hurt you. That is such a load of crap. Whoever made that up has obviously never been bullied. I was also told to ignore it and it would go away. And you know what? That actually did work – eventually – but it took over three years. When I got to upper school and the teasing had almost stopped, I actually asked one of the boys why he had stopped teasing me. He replied that because I didn’t react it wasn’t any fun for him, so he’d looked for someone else to pick on. When I’ve asked kids why they pick on someone else, they often reply, “But it was in fun. It’s not serious. He/she doesn’t mind. Look he’s laughing; we’re just joking around.†Whether those statements are excuses, or if the bullies really think that the victim doesn’t mind, they need to think again. I too laughed it off. I too pretended that it was no big deal, that it didn’t matter. But it did matter. It had major long term effects. When I did find a really good group of friends, I had become so insecure that I never knew whether they really wanted me around, or whether they were just felt sorry for me. It took me until I went away to uni, and got letters from them saying they missed me, that I realised they really liked me. It takes somewhere between four and ten positive comments to counteract one negative comment. So you can imagine the damage if you’re receiving a lot of teasing. There’s another saying that if someone says something long enough you begin to believe it. Well it’s true. Those bullies at school had said negative things to me for so long that I had absolutely no belief in myself. I did not see myself as worthwhile. One of the things the bullies had called me was a “squidâ€Â, because I was pretty good at school. So I went along thinking that was the only thing I was good at – and yet I was playing netball, basketball and hockey, as well as swimming at a state level, and being involved in the local theatre. It took me years - and a lot of time working through the issues – and the input of some very positive mentors - that I finally had any confidence in who I was, or the skills I had. Bullying is serious, no matter what the form, or how much it seems like fun. The person being bullied is affected, whether or not it seems like it. As I’ve already indicated, it took me almost ten years to get over it – and some people never do.
Sources:
Bullying Articles
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