How Do You Know If Your Teenagers Are Using Drugs?

By Dr. Tobin

They’ll tell you either directly or indirectly.

Direct Communication: I know a number of teens who have an open relationship. with their folks and have told them about their experimentation with marijuana. It’s very unlikely that any young person who feels close enough with mom or dad to keep them informed would be the kind of kid who would be likely to be a serious drug user. One of the most important antidotes to teen drug abuse is an open parent-child relationship. It doesn’t happen by accident. Parents who respect, listen, and discipline with love and understanding are parents who will have children who respect, listen, accept and internalize their parents’ guidance.

The teenage years are a time of experimentation – a time for them to learn their own truth about the world and a time to figure out who they are. This learning process doesn’t take place in a society in which traditions and set standards of behavior are passed from generation to generation. It occurs in the midst of the MTV culture in which sex, drugs and violence are glorified. It is in that environment in which our youth make choices and discover themselves. Is it any wonder that they trip over themselves in this process of self-discovery? This is precisely the reason why we parents must play an important role in the lives of our teens. They need us even if it appears that they could care less. However, what they need are parents who have a strong sense of values, the ability to communicate in a language of understanding and a vivid memory of their own teenage years.

Indirect Communication: Teenagers can’t help themselves. They must inform, arouse, shake up or shock their parents. They are compelled by some primal need to relate to their parents, to force a reaction that says, "I know you’re there." If the relationship is good, then the teen’s behavior falls within those parameters the parents and child agree are reasonable.

If the relationship is distant and hostile, then the teen’s behavior takes on a different significance. It is no longer about finding oneself; it is about forcing the parent to react. It is no mere coincidence that most adolescent drug abusers have serious conflicts with their parents. Their drug abuse is, in part, designed to force the parent to engage, albeit, under rather unpleasant circumstances.

Your children will "tell" you they have a drug problem when their grades start slipping, their old friends start avoiding them, their behavior seems different and their appearance starts changing. Those are not tell tale signs of drug abuse but they may be alarming enough to force a reaction. If the relationship is not good, then the typical parental response will be to criticize the external manifestations – the clothes, hair, rings in strange places and the general attitude. This only pushes the teen further away and leaves the parent frustrated and angry. What is really necessary is for the parent to use sincere, open communication to find out whether his child is involved in normal adolescent exploration or whether he is endangering himself with drugs. When the door is slammed shut, it’s an invitation for a crisis.

I never fail to be amazed at the extent to which teenagers will utilize the most self-destructive tactics in order to attempt to defeat their parents. Their behavior and attitude screams, "I don’t give a damn and there’s nothing you can do about it." Underneath the tough exterior is the hurt child who desperately needs love and guidance. Without it, a teenager is a prime candidate for the instant pleasure that drugs can provide.

There’s a poignant _expression that captures the dilemma of the abuser – "You can never get enough of what you don’t need." In other words, be it food, alcohol or drugs the hunger that drives a person to abuse is never satiated by the object of his abuse. Love fills, drugs numb. Purpose and meaning provide direction;. their absence leads to emptiness and cynicism. Drugs provide powerful sensations that conceal the desire for depth and spirituality.

It is our role as parents to help our children to understand themselves, to learn how to make intelligent choices and to impart values and meaning that will guide them through the challenging journey of life. If we don’t do our job, then they will look for the most expedient answers.

Let’s not be replaced by drugs.

By Dr. Tobin